he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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