kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
