Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
