And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
