you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
