what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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