Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
