quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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