I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
