Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
