just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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