I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Welp...herpes.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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