My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
