I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
