im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You are a genius and a whore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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