I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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