i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
