I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
