I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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