R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize