Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
