yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
