btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
