Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize