***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
