So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
