I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
