why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
is wine microwaveable?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
