smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
