My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dear god my vagina.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
