This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
