I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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