Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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