I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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