the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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