im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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