Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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