Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
