Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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