His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
