the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
