SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
