i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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