It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
