I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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