i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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