I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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