what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
