Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
