So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
