sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize