Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
