you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
