One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
