i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
