left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
