Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm always down for nudity.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
