I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
