I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
