We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
