how do flat chested girls get laid?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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