Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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