Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
