I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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