If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
