When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
