I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
