So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
