yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
