I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
