someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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