You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
