You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
