This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
